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Showing posts from November, 2014

Marriage...Interrupted, Part 2: From Spouse to Stranger

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It's scary how quickly three months can fly by after the first few weeks felt like they would drag on forever.

Yet here I am, standing on the "other side" of those three months. I'm not sure that I'm ready to embrace the term "divorcee". With our three months of separation having just ended, I'm feeling a new wave of emotions, anger being on the top of the list.
I'm often at odds with myself for having negative feelings. Some days, I feel strong and positive and see this as yet another experience that will hopefully add to my learnings and make me more resilient. Then there are other days when I feel anger, fear, and loneliness. I am angry towards what brought me to this point of now being divorced. I worry about the future and what's to come. I fear that my life will continue to perpetuate in an endless cycle of work because hey, why not, I have the time now. Because nothing is currently worse than having extra time on your hands to sit an…

Marriage...Interrupted, Part I: The Separation

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No one gets married with the intention that they will get divorced, nor do they think that divorce will ever happen to them.

But it does. And within our own Muslim communities and that of the mainstream population, divorce happens approximately 50% of the time. The majority, within our own community, are after between three to seven years of marriage, followed by one to two years. Marriages that are still in their infant stages, but for a whole host of complicated reasons, they cannot and do not survive.

To state that there is stigma in our community around divorce would be an understatement. For something that happens at astounding rates, we are doing a horrible job at (a) holding safe conversations for people to share experiences and receive support; (b) educating couples prior to the wedding regarding marriage strategies; (c) supporting those who have gone through divorce with re-entering the marriage arena, should they desire to do so; and (d) not passing judgments onto those who…

Tests

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Whoever quoted that the only things certain in life are taxes and death forgot to add one more thing.

Challenges. Or as we Muslims like to call them, tests.

The Quran has many verses to the effect of "Allah tests those he loves"; "Allah does not burden a soul with more than they can handle"; and "Allah loves to hear the prayers of those who are being tested". Life is not a cake walk for anyone, regardless of religion, and with Muslims, we believe that our time on earth will be spent navigating through many life tests.

I personally find great solace in the fact that these tests are for a reason. I don't know what I'd do without my faith and I'm thankful everyday that I have Islam (Allah more specifically!) to lean on.

But I'm also human and there are times when I need to be with the emotions I'm feeling. I need to be OK with feeling down, or lonely, or momentarily hopeless about a situation. Deep down, I know that there are reasons for …